Self doubt

[xie_xie_xie]

I'm taking a very short mental health lunch break from a humonguous deadline on a story that required shitloads of research (that's a technical journalism term). A SHORT break, I swear it. I'm not staying up all night writing this one. I'm not I'm not I'm not.

My plan was to finish Chapter Two of Families on Tuesday and Wednesday, which will be my weekend since obviously this one wasn't. I will be done by then with the Marathon of Pain, too.

This morning, I got an email from someone who was reading my LJ chronologically, and had a couple of questions about some old posts I did, and the evoluation of some of my ideas over time. And I went back to check on one of the posts, and saw my earliest fiction, which I started writing in June of 2006.

And I realized that when I started out, I wrote a chapter a week.

How the fuck did I ever do that, and how can I do that again? Because I hate going weeks between chapters. I hate it.

Now I'm all depressed.

Comments

[rebeccama.livejournal.com]

Now I'm all depressed.

Don't be depressed. You made Justin pout. (Uh, that's a bad thing in this case.)

Don't beat yourself up

[reader1.livejournal.com]

When you first started writing in the QAF fandom, you had everything to choose from as subject matter. The more you wrote and got such rave reviews, you held yourself to a higher standard and started getting more involved and busy in writing, icons, etc. and it just makes sense that it would take longer to produce a chapter than at first. Don't worry about it. You're worth waiting for.

P.S. Love your icon. And you'll never guess what I got in the mail on Friday: a golden gardenia! I hope I don't kill it!

doubt

[firehead30.livejournal.com]

Stop that. Now.

*pets you*

[shadownyc.livejournal.com]

RL tends to move in when you least expect it and on top of that you've narrowed to a specific plot-line with this series. I think with all the fic you've posted over the past year you've done quite impressively!!!

Thank you for all your wonderful contributions.

[azureopal.livejournal.com]

Back in the day, when I was still writing something, I used to try and do a chapter in a set amount of time. And, for one reason or another, it just wouldn't happen. So I started breaking it down into pages. Two pages a day and I was happy beyond belief, because at least I had something.

[nolyana.livejournal.com]

Hi!

I just started reading your excillent fic Plans and by Golly, I can't stop. Brilliant writing and so them. I can't wait to finsih it and start reading your other fics.

RL? Such a bugger! *sighs* What can one say. Just deal, love. And please don't be depressed. Take it easy and enjoy the ride :D

[bluemchenkaffee.livejournal.com]

Oh no, don't be depressed because I'm impressed by all the stories you wrote so far.
There might be weeks between your chapters but they're always worth waiting for.

So go on with your good work and don't stress yourself out!

Susanne

[epicallytired.livejournal.com]

in that time, you became a Rock Star. They have a lot less time. Your fans still love you.

[not-yet-defined.livejournal.com]

It's true xie, you've become a total fucking slacker when it comes to writing the fanfic....

*rolls eyes*

No go back to work.

[not-yet-defined.livejournal.com]

No=Now (in case you couldn't figure that one out)

[silent-seas.livejournal.com]

And I realized that when I started out, I wrote a chapter a week. How the fuck did I ever do that, and how can I do that again?

Well, when you started writing, those first few chapters probably had been percolating in your brain for a while, maybe even subconsciously ever since you found the show. You were free to do whatever you wanted with them, whenever the muses allowed.

Now, you've gotten to the point where you've expressed a lot of those original ideas, plus you have the self-imposed expectations of finishing chapters more quickly and conforming to your own storylines and characterizations. On top of that, you have more than one fic-verse going, in more than one canon (XWP and QAF), on more than one journal. And you know that many people read your stories and expect a lot from you, quality-wise.

Then there's the wank-and-flame side of fandom, which has come out a few times in various places, plus the LJ censorship/content debacle. Oh, and let's not forget the pet food crisis, plus whooping cough--on top of your already full work schedule.

And GreatestJournal stupidly deprived you of many of the iconized bits of Justin, while LJ refuses to give you any more. I'm just saying.

*winks* ♥

[ex-reizaine184.livejournal.com]

don't feel depressed!

all the things you've written here are amazing (i haven't told you that i adore 'Without You' 100%, impeccable dialogue), so don't beat yourself up because RL is slowing down the pace.

[vlredreign.livejournal.com]

I'm not staying up all night writing this one. I'm not I'm not I'm not.

Then get off the phone with You-Know-Who (aka Lady Voldemort, lol) and get to work. And turn off the DVD player. You don't want to continue the pain. I did it for you. I'm all hurt and stuff now. Sigh.

And I realized that when I started out, I wrote a chapter a week.

YOU DID?!?!?

How the fuck did I ever do that, and how can I do that again? Because I hate going weeks between chapters. I hate it.

We hate it, too. But, you know, we love you. So, ummm...yeah. So, are you done with the next chapter yet? Huh??? I have a good reason for asking.

[chering.livejournal.com]

I understand your concern and your dilema. I agree with what Sherry wrote above. When we began, we were FULL of ideas. I find them harder to come by now and the last thing we want to do is write something sub-par so the writing is taking longer. Much...much longer!

[roc-abs.livejournal.com]

How the fuck did I ever do that, and how can I do that again?

Easy answer: you (and I) blew off RL for almost 8 months ;) Let's be honest now ... we did.

I hate RL!