xie_xie_xie
16 September 2007 @ 01:18 pm
Self doubt  
I'm taking a very short mental health lunch break from a humonguous deadline on a story that required shitloads of research (that's a technical journalism term). A SHORT break, I swear it. I'm not staying up all night writing this one. I'm not I'm not I'm not.

My plan was to finish Chapter Two of Families on Tuesday and Wednesday, which will be my weekend since obviously this one wasn't. I will be done by then with the Marathon of Pain, too.

This morning, I got an email from someone who was reading my LJ chronologically, and had a couple of questions about some old posts I did, and the evoluation of some of my ideas over time. And I went back to check on one of the posts, and saw my earliest fiction, which I started writing in June of 2006.

And I realized that when I started out, I wrote a chapter a week.

How the fuck did I ever do that, and how can I do that again? Because I hate going weeks between chapters. I hate it.

Now I'm all depressed.
 
 
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[identity profile] silent-seas.livejournal.com on September 16th, 2007 09:44 pm (UTC)

And I realized that when I started out, I wrote a chapter a week. How the fuck did I ever do that, and how can I do that again?


Well, when you started writing, those first few chapters probably had been percolating in your brain for a while, maybe even subconsciously ever since you found the show. You were free to do whatever you wanted with them, whenever the muses allowed.

Now, you've gotten to the point where you've expressed a lot of those original ideas, plus you have the self-imposed expectations of finishing chapters more quickly and conforming to your own storylines and characterizations. On top of that, you have more than one fic-verse going, in more than one canon (XWP and QAF), on more than one journal. And you know that many people read your stories and expect a lot from you, quality-wise.

Then there's the wank-and-flame side of fandom, which has come out a few times in various places, plus the LJ censorship/content debacle. Oh, and let's not forget the pet food crisis, plus whooping cough--on top of your already full work schedule.

And GreatestJournal stupidly deprived you of many of the iconized bits of Justin, while LJ refuses to give you any more. I'm just saying.

*winks* ♥
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