I love you.

P.S. Just Visiting also wrote one of the best breakdown!Brian I've ever read. I cry every single fucking time.


<<
"We started dancing. I was looking at him and - he didn't say anything, but I - " Brian paused. "It wasn't hard. It was easy."

"What, honey?"

"I felt it," Brian said. "I didn't think about it, I didn't stop it. I didn't hold it back. I just felt it, and I knew I felt it. And I looked at him and I realized - fuck, this is easy. It 's not this hard impossible thing. I felt it, and I could say it."

"Jesus," Justin whispered, and put his face in his hands.

"So you did?" Debbie prompted gently.

"Yes." Brian had quieted. The music in his head was louder than ever, but he had stopped fighting it. "I told him I can do this. We can do this. First he thought I just meant the dancing. It took him a minute, but then he knew. He knew what I meant." He gave the mocking little half-smile they all knew so well, staring at the floor, not seeing it. "Then he really glowed."

"Did I -- Brian -- " Justin's voice was shaking. "Is that when you kissed me?"

Brian took his eyes off the floor and tilted his head all the way back, to look at the ceiling instead. Still speaking to Debbie, he said conversationally, "And ten minutes later he was sprawled out on the pavement, bleeding all over the fucking place."

After the wave of emotion, his sudden blankness was even more unnerving. Debbie put her head to the side, considering him. Finally she said, "You didn't put him on that pavement, Brian. Is that what you think?"

"The fucking ambulance got lost," Brian said, still looking up. Now he sounded almost bored. "That's why it took so long. The 911 woman on the cell phone made me stay on. She said stay on until they get there."

Ben and Michael both started to say something, but Debbie cut them off. "Let him talk," she whispered.

"She kept asking me questions. What happened, sir? Where was the victim hit? Where is the blood coming from? Is the victim breathing? Is he breathing?" He paused, then started again. "Is he breathing? I don't know, I don't know. Do I have to look, how do I look. Sir, you need to clear his airway if he isn't breathing. I'll talk you through it. Can you lean over him, sir, can you put your hand on his chest? Yeah, I am, I am. He's bleeding so much, it's everywhere. It's on my hands. It's on my scarf. Do you hear anything, sir? Fuck, fuck. I can only hear myself! My own breathing. My own breathing's so loud. Fuck." Debbie's eyes were filling but she nodded, trying to encourage him. But Brian's eyes were closed now. "Calm down, please, sir. Help will be there soon. Can you tell if the victim is breathing?"

Justin, riveted, had a crazed thought that he sounded like Mysterious Marilyn giving a seance. He bit back a sick laugh. Brian went on, murmuring as if he were half-asleep. "I have to put the phone down a minute. Damn, I slammed it, I dropped it. Did I break it? Hello, are you there? Yes, sir. Is the victim - Yes, fuck, he's breathing! He's breathing. I can feel his chest moving. That's good, sir, don't move him now. Try to stay calm. Where the fuck is the ambulance, where the fuck is it? He's bleeding to death. He's dying right in front of me. He's dead. That's it. He's dead." He stopped.

He was finished. Debbie said, "He's not dead. He's not dead, Brian. He's right here." With the full force of her personality, she added, "And your love isn't what hurt him. Do you understand that? Do you?"

Brian opened his eyes to look at her. He blinked, as if he had left a dark room and his eyes couldn't adjust to the brightness.

"I'm so sorry, honey," Debbie said gently. She put her heavy hand, bright red nails gleaming, on his cheek. "We all thought so much about what Justin went through. I never asked myself what you went through, standing there in that garage, waiting for whatever was going to happen."

Justin stammered, "But why didn't you -- after -- ?"

Brian didn't seem to be answering him. He said to Debbie, ""And then after . . . he wasn't mine. And it wasn't easy any more."
>>

*CRIES*

Oh My God.

That totally Took My Breath Away.

Jesus, Paddies!

Just Visiting completely has it down.

Is she still writing?
Which fic is that again?

That totally Took My Breath Away.

I know. It does it to me all the freaking time I read it. Seriously, best prom-related Brian!breakdown ever.

Is she still writing?
Which fic is that again?

I don't think she'still writing, at least she hasn't updated her site in a looong time. *sighs*

The fic is called "Name Your Wish" and it's one of my all time favorite stories (I love all JV's stuff equally, though). You can find it here: http://www.geocities.com/qafjv/justvisiting.html

"Name Your Wish"

I have it on my HD, but have NEVER read it.

OMG.
It's like it is Christmas!!

Thank you.... of to read.

Will we see each other in Manhatten?

I have it on my HD, but have NEVER read it.

OMG read it asap! Also, you must read JV's post 314 series "And Every Morning After"... so so so so so good. *happy sigh*

Will we see each other in Manhattan?

Absolutely. *nods*

OK, I will read ASAP.

I got sucked into Myrna's Tumor fic since Xie's post a few days ago.
I had only read it once before- and am loving it again....

"Your ass, your ass, your ass, shrimp scampi, your ass"

Do you remember that line?
It kills me. She has such funny moments, and then the most insightful and tender moments too.

Thanks for the JV recs. You're awesome!!!!