i'm glad you posted this again...i missed it somehow the first time around. sensitive brian is always a pleasure to read because i felt he could be very sensitive to his friends...just never showed his feelings easily. heartbreaking and poignant....."I used to watch Justin sleep before he got bashed. He did it the way he fucked, without holding anything back. He let himself go all the way to sleep, his lips parted just a little, his lashes lying on his cheeks, his skin flushed, his body soft. Justin had the amazing ability to sleepily open his arms or legs or body warmth up to me when I wanted that, and to curl away, his cheek on his arm, when I’d had enough.

I couldn’t remember the last time I saw him sleep like that.

Even now, after really intense sex, he sometimes would fall into a deep sleep. I would stare at him, willing it to stay peaceful, but it never did. If I watched him long enough, I could see his breathing get uneven, his eyes start flickering under his closed lids, and hear little sounds in his throat.

And then I’d wake him up. And watch him struggle to get out of the grip of the things in his head, to see just the loft ceiling and me and the darkness beyond the bed.

I used to ask him about his dreams, but it was always the same one, over and over. It never changed. So I stopped asking. I didn’t ask that night."