So, here's my problem.

I'm writing a story called Discovery, in which Brian is a criminal defense attorney in New York. He left Pittsburgh long before the timeframe of season one, so he not only never met Justin, lots of things in his life and the lives of the gang are different. Additionally, Brian has lost touch with everyone in Pittsburgh, even Michael.

This story is set during the Stockwell mayoral race, and is a murder mystery. Since we learn the premise within a few paragraphs of the first chapter, I'll just spoil you now and tell you that Michael has been arrested for murder, and Debbie wants Brian to come home and defend him.

Now, enough about the plot, and here's the dilemma. And I'm guessing that it will be fic writers more than readers who are going to understand what I am struggling with, but I could be wrong.

I've already written an AU in which Brian and Justin meet at an older age, and in which Brian has a different career -- Pulse Point. I don't want to just do that again with a different job and a mystery added to the plot.

But more than wanting to break away plot-wise, I wanted to try to use a different feel or tone for my story. Normally, my fics "feel" like episodes of the show, albeit more focused on Brian and Justin than the show was. I love that about them, and I think my readers do as well. I certainly get a lot of positive comments about that aspect of my style.

In this story, however, I'm not trying to create that. I'm writing it like a mystery novel. I believe I still have the essence of the characters, but the rhythm of their speech, the flow of the story, are not like my other fiction, by design. I set out to do this. Only.... I keep thinking of all the writers I've seen get bored with their fandom, the canon, or their own work, and start writing AUs or different pairings (which I'm not doing), and losing the connection with the canonical characters and themes.

Of course I know it's fine for them to do that. I know it's fine for ME to do it if I want to. This isn't about giving myself permission to do what I want.

What it's about is that I'm really, really having a lot of self-doubt right now, feeling like I'm being overly loose with the characters, but equally feeling I'm caught between two stories, the one I set out to tell, and the "easy" one I keep thinking people will want to read.

I know it sounds like I'm saying, "OMG, people might not like this!", but I'm not. If I'm happy with the story, I can accept that it doesn't work for my readers. (Although honestly, given how "A" some of the "AUs" people in fandom enjoy, I doubt this will be difficult for my readers to accept, LOL.) What is worrying me is, am I just telling myself this is a challenge I've set, to move away from the familiar pace and tone of my fiction and still see if I can keep the essence of the canonical characters and themes, but actually just losing touch with those things and indulging myself in writing "canon characters in name only" original fiction, as I've seen so many writers do?

I would love, love, to hear from other writers, in any fandom, who have struggled with setting themselves new goals and challenges while still honoring the themes and characters from their canon, or anyone who might have some thoughts on this struggle. Because it's interfering with my writing, and I really don't have anyone to talk to about this. :(

HELP!