xie_xie_xie
11 February 2014 @ 01:11 pm
Goodbye, Vamphile  
The only person I could ever really talk to about writing is gone. She was gone a long time ago for me, for reasons that made sense only in her chaotic, beautiful, tortured mind. I thought one day there'd be a way to mend that, but now it will never happen.

She was a better writer unbeta'd, un-proofread, and uncensored than most writers are after multiple revisions. She was wildly creative, blisteringly funny, smart, and mean -- meanest of all to herself.

I don't know how she passed, and there really can't be an answer to why. I only know that I have always missed her, and now I always will.
Tags:
 
 
( Post a new comment )
[identity profile] vlredreign.livejournal.com on February 11th, 2014 06:20 pm (UTC)
When? Last time she posted was about a month ago. She sounded okay, but you know how she was. My heart is breaking.
(Reply) (Thread) (Link)
[identity profile] xie-xie-xie.livejournal.com on February 11th, 2014 07:40 pm (UTC)
This weekend.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)
[identity profile] vlredreign.livejournal.com on February 11th, 2014 09:42 pm (UTC)
Saw [livejournal.com profile] passing_through's post. *hugs* I did a post for my journals and at GIH.
(Reply) (Parent) (Link)
[identity profile] shadownyc.livejournal.com on February 11th, 2014 06:51 pm (UTC)
Sending you *Big Hugs*

(Reply) (Thread) (Link)
[identity profile] xie-xie-xie.livejournal.com on February 11th, 2014 07:42 pm (UTC)
Sending to you, too!
(Reply) (Parent) (Link)
[identity profile] zaipixie.livejournal.com on February 11th, 2014 07:04 pm (UTC)
Oh sweet goddess. I'm all over sad. :(
(Reply) (Thread) (Link)
[identity profile] xie-xie-xie.livejournal.com on February 11th, 2014 07:41 pm (UTC)
Me too. :(
(Reply) (Parent) (Link)
[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_alicesprings/ on February 11th, 2014 07:14 pm (UTC)
Oh, shit.
(Reply) (Thread) (Link)
[identity profile] xie-xie-xie.livejournal.com on February 11th, 2014 07:41 pm (UTC)
I know... I suppose it shouldn't be shocking, and yet, I'm utterly stunned.
(Reply) (Parent) (Link)
[identity profile] fansee.livejournal.com on February 11th, 2014 07:52 pm (UTC)
Oh, dear!
I am so so sorry to hear this. Every once in a great while she would break out of her entrapment and I would hear from her, but it never lasted. I hope she has found peace. FanSee

P.S. Thank you for letting us know.


Edited 2014-02-11 07:53 pm (UTC)
(Reply) (Thread) (Link)
[identity profile] xie-xie-xie.livejournal.com on February 12th, 2014 02:37 am (UTC)
Re: Oh, dear!
I have been in a daze all day. I can't quite believe this.
(Reply) (Parent) (Link)
[identity profile] bksbracelet.livejournal.com on February 11th, 2014 07:56 pm (UTC)
Oh dear she was a tortured soul emotionally and often wrote about her demons, but what a writer her stories were and remain a brilliant legacy
(Reply) (Thread) (Link)
[identity profile] xie-xie-xie.livejournal.com on February 12th, 2014 02:37 am (UTC)
She had no faith in her own talent. That is what breaks my heart.
(Reply) (Parent) (Link)
[identity profile] pfodge.livejournal.com on February 11th, 2014 08:04 pm (UTC)
I'm going to miss her. I've always loved her work. ~feeling very sad right now~
(Reply) (Thread) (Link)
[identity profile] xie-xie-xie.livejournal.com on February 12th, 2014 02:37 am (UTC)
It's just awful. :(
(Reply) (Parent) (Link)
[identity profile] kinwad.livejournal.com on February 11th, 2014 08:18 pm (UTC)
Oh holy fuck! I can't even! God! She will be missed terribly!
(Reply) (Thread) (Link)
[identity profile] xie-xie-xie.livejournal.com on February 12th, 2014 02:38 am (UTC)
Yes, she will. :(
(Reply) (Parent) (Link)
[identity profile] pclu2004.livejournal.com on February 11th, 2014 08:25 pm (UTC)
NO, NO, NO! :(
(Reply) (Thread) (Link)
[identity profile] xie-xie-xie.livejournal.com on February 12th, 2014 02:38 am (UTC)
:(
(Reply) (Parent) (Link)
[identity profile] mander3-swish.livejournal.com on February 11th, 2014 08:37 pm (UTC)
That's just so damn sad. :(
(Reply) (Thread) (Link)
[identity profile] xie-xie-xie.livejournal.com on February 12th, 2014 02:41 am (UTC)
It truly is!
(Reply) (Parent) (Link)
[identity profile] qafmaniac.livejournal.com on February 11th, 2014 08:39 pm (UTC)
SHIT! :'(
(Reply) (Thread) (Link)
[identity profile] xie-xie-xie.livejournal.com on February 12th, 2014 02:38 am (UTC)
It is. :(
(Reply) (Parent) (Link)
[identity profile] muddor.livejournal.com on February 11th, 2014 08:42 pm (UTC)
Oh Valerie, rest in peace!
(Reply) (Thread) (Link)
[identity profile] xie-xie-xie.livejournal.com on February 12th, 2014 02:41 am (UTC)
Her name wasn't Valerie, but she WAS close friends with valerie_z, who passed away a year or so ago. Valerie hosted her own fic as well as Vamph's on her site The Holy Church of Brian and Justin.
(Reply) (Parent) (Link)
[identity profile] gaedhal.livejournal.com on February 11th, 2014 09:03 pm (UTC)
Oh, no!

Terrible news.

(Reply) (Thread) (Link)
[identity profile] muddor.livejournal.com on February 11th, 2014 09:13 pm (UTC)
Please pass this news on to Susan, they were pretty good friends back in day...
(Reply) (Parent) (Link)
[identity profile] xie-xie-xie.livejournal.com on February 12th, 2014 02:38 am (UTC)
I know. I can't believe it, really.
(Reply) (Parent) (Link)
[identity profile] ramie-k.livejournal.com on February 11th, 2014 09:19 pm (UTC)
Damn! That's so sad! I really enjoyed her work.
(Reply) (Link)
[identity profile] josieb1.livejournal.com on February 11th, 2014 09:29 pm (UTC)
Her writing was amazing, she will be missed. (((Hugs)))
(Reply) (Link)
[identity profile] kskitten.livejournal.com on February 11th, 2014 09:38 pm (UTC)
I am really sorry to hear.
(Reply) (Link)
[identity profile] arrowthroughme.livejournal.com on February 11th, 2014 10:24 pm (UTC)
I am so sad - and I really can't believe it.

Even though I have only seen things from the sidelines, I of course know about your history together and really feel for you.

I hardly really knew her, except for one long conversation once very late at night, which was a bit strange, but I managed at least to get across what I thought of her brilliant writing.

When Vamphile left, she cut a lot of ties and I was one of them, so I lost all contact, which saddened me then the same way it does now.

I wish there was something to say, but there isn't really. Maybe it does say something that 'this old fandom' here is affected in such a way as is obvious from these posts - they all show a lot of love many people felt for her, her writing. I hope she knew that.

Nicki

Edited 2014-02-11 10:25 pm (UTC)
(Reply) (Thread) (Link)
[identity profile] xie-xie-xie.livejournal.com on February 12th, 2014 02:39 am (UTC)
She was really brutal at the tie-cutting, but I think it was part of her illness. It broke my heart, but I never felt it was really personal, if you know what I mean...
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)
[identity profile] arrowthroughme.livejournal.com on February 12th, 2014 05:00 pm (UTC)
but I think it was part of her illness

Well put and it says it all really. I also didn't take it personally at all and had no reason to, but for you it must have been so upsetting, because you were such a united front.

I remember exactly how close you were, as a team of three (or tight circle of three or more) and then after she had managed to finish the keeping series with much encouragement from you as I recall, I only thought she had left the fandom first, but somehow it went much further than that.

It coincided with many of us leaving LJ behind and everything felt raw and abandoned. I strongly felt that way myself.

Occasionally I checked Vamps LJ to see "how she was doing" and often felt uneasy from what I could see there and between the lines.

I send you a hug and hope you find some comfort. There was nothing you could have done to "mend" anything, because there was no way of approaching her.

Nicki
(Reply) (Parent) (Link)
[identity profile] koalared.livejournal.com on February 12th, 2014 12:02 am (UTC)
So sad. Truly one of he best writers I've had the honor to read. I hope she finds peace.
(Reply) (Thread) (Link)
[identity profile] xie-xie-xie.livejournal.com on February 12th, 2014 02:40 am (UTC)
As do I!
(Reply) (Parent) (Link)
[identity profile] bodleian.livejournal.com on February 12th, 2014 02:41 am (UTC)
She was such a talented writer but she had so many problems which she was very open about. I know that she missed her mother dreadfully as well.
She will be missed.
(Reply) (Link)
[identity profile] court1429.livejournal.com on February 12th, 2014 05:08 am (UTC)
I am stunned. I keep trying to organize my thoughts but they remain a jumble. I didn't realize she had stopped contact with you, but I'm glad you know it was that horrible disease talking, not Vamp herself.

I think one of my favorite stories about her is one you told as a preface to one of your fics. A fic that you had to write because Vamp insisted you already had written it and when you told her you had not written that fic, she was all, "yeah, don't you remember? This happened and that happened and you wrote it!" And she convinced you you had but then, after checking later, you really hadn't, By that time, though, you had to write it anyway so her version of your version of Brian and Justin's situation would be accurate. I love that. It is so totally Vamp!

And it is so totally wrong she's not here to see how much she meant to everyone. Though she wouldn't have believed us. Maybe now, now that she's with her beloved mom and her dogs and her brain is clear and perfect, she'll know. I hope so. {{{Xie}}}
(Reply) (Link)
[identity profile] flamencanyc.livejournal.com on February 12th, 2014 09:39 am (UTC)
Oh no! My heart aches for the fandom, for her friends and family, and most importantly for Vamphile. I knew nothing of the rift between you, since I've been so out of the loop for so long, but I'm sorry for that as well.

Jeez, Val and Vamph... breaks my heart. So much talent and humor lost way too soon.

Hugs to all.

Edited 2014-02-12 09:40 am (UTC)
(Reply) (Link)
[identity profile] youbetterwiseup.livejournal.com on February 13th, 2014 07:07 pm (UTC)
This makes me very sad.
(Reply) (Link)
[identity profile] simodabo.livejournal.com on February 13th, 2014 08:02 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry to hear these news... they left me kind of speechless, she was one of the first few ppl I chatted with, here on LJ, a few years back.
Farewell
(Reply) (Link)